I am finishing up a shift from one of my jobs this morning after working overnight. Earlier this week, I did lots of work in this industry and in the job in the other industry. It has been busy. I have also spend time learning material needed for future changes to these. I have also spent time working out with my girlfriend, spending time with her in the normal fashion, and training for a marathon. I have visited my family, gone stargazing at 3:00 in the morning out in the country, discussed adopting a dog (he is a beautiful dog, I may very well do it), and more. I have filled most every waking day with intentional activity, be that working to the best of my ability or being very intentional about doing absolutely nothing with my girlfriend.
And I have never been happier.
Truly, it is a different feeling to do this with no stress. I have enough money to cover any foreseeable future, and more seems to generate itself automatically, without intentional input from me, based just off of how I am living. I do not need to worry about spending it, and quite frankly buy way too many sweet treats for us. I have reached a point, after therapy and internal work, where I am truly comfortable with myself, both through getting comfortable with what was already there and fixing the less than ideal parts of myself I was previously unaware of. Days are had with a genuine smile I have not experienced in a long time. The task at hand gets the full strength of my attention; there are no worries in the back of my head about making plans. I have made plenty enough of those, and trust me, that is a statement that would have been preposterous to old me. There is, truly, no more need for plans, only action. This has been the case for some time, and that is immensely freeing.
There is a time for plans, to be sure. But one can overplan. For a long time, I was victim to this without ever realizing it. I would take myself out of the present moment without realizing I was compromising the execution of the plan by spending energy I should have spent doing the plan to make the plan better. But I have got over this, as with a great number of other things. And in the minutia of every moment, and in just being present in it, I have found a joy I, truly, have never before experienced.
It’s not due to the lack of planning, but the presence with the activity at hand. Friends get full attention, and the people around me convert to new friends much faster when they get my full attention. My girlfriend gets full attention when it is time for that, or realistically anytime she wants. She is my weakness. My jobs, when I am doing them, get my full efforts, and in doing so I rest at the end of the day knowing I did quality work. Our workouts go to failure, every single day we do them. Over the last 9 months I have gained 12-15lbs of lean muscle due to concentrated, sustained effort.
This has turned into a rant. It is now 6am, and I have yet to sleep. But I’m quite ok with that. Because today was truly amazing. I held my woman. Learned many new things. Put good work in. Made things. Learned things. Ate well. Moved my body. Interacted with amazing people. And shortly, after work is fully done, I guarantee you I will rest well and repeat it all tomorrow, and at the end of that full day, I will sleep well again.
Keep an ear open,
With love,
Sean